Couples Therapy

We all share a fundamental need for closeness and security.  The approach I take with couples is drawn from attachment theory and Emotional Focused Therapy. I will help you clarify the issues and work through the conflicts and/or impasses in your relationship that are causing distress.

When couples argue about such issues as jealousy, sex, or money, the origins of these arguments are usually some form of protest from one partner about not feeling connected, not trusting, or feeling safe or secure with the other partner. When those we are attached to are not available, or are not responding to our needs to feel close or supported, we feel distressed.  We may become anxious or fearful, angry, numb or distant.  We adapt to these feelings by adopting behaviors, which can become habitual or turn into rigid modes of reacting to our partner.  Furthermore, these unhelpful behavior patterns seem to take on a life of their own as they cycle into repetitive interactions with our partner that cause pain, injury, and despair.

In couples therapy we focus on these patterns and work on changing these negative interaction cycles in a non-judgmental environment.  When emotional connection is reestablished (i.e. you feel closer and more secure with one another), each person in the partnership will have an improved ability to relate to one another in a more gratifying way.  Too, each will be better able to manage conflict and the painful or difficult feelings that will inevitably arise from time to time in a close relationship.

Couples therapy will support, in a way that respects each partner, you to experience each other differently. My focus is to help the couple identify and change their relational cycles in the present, learn to speak from an increasingly authentic place and shift the experience of relationship from old repetitive patterns and stuck modes of relating to a deeper level of intimacy, trust, and connection.

Issues addressed in couple therapy include:

• Intimacy and connection
• Frequent arguing and discord
• Infidelity and trust
• Parenting
• Relationships with extended families
• Separation and divorce
• Blending stepfamilies
• Addiction/codependency
• Sexual concerns
• Navigating different needs within the relationship

A little more about Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is proven to help couples change and break free from negative patterns and reconnect with one another, allowing the relationship to become a source of nurturance and support. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements. EFT is a very humanistic, present day oriented therapy approach that avoids shame and blame.  EFT identifies and helps reorganize basic emotional reactions and dynamics within the couple’s relationship.  Its goal is to help couples create a new pattern of interaction with an emphasis on secure emotional connection.

EFT is accepted by the American Psychological Association and has been validated by over twenty years of empirical research.

For further info, please refer to the EFT website:  www.iceeft.com.

Attachment Theory

The theory of attachment was originally developed by John Bowlby (1907-1990). Research on adult attachment is guided by the assumption that the same motivational system that gives rise to the close emotional bond between parents and their children is responsible for the bond that develops between adults in emotionally intimate relationships.

Existential Theory

Existential psychotherapy is not a technique or set of techniques. It is more a philosophy about human nature and focuses on issues central to human existence – the search for meaning, purpose and values of life.  The existential approach puts emphasis on personal responsibility and choice and stresses personal freedom in deciding one’s fate.

Interpersonal Neurobiology

Interpersonal neurobiology is a new field of clinical practice, best articulated by Daniel Siegel, Ph.D interpersonal neurobiology attempts to infuse psychotherapy with neurobiological research. IPNB studies the way the brain grows and is influenced by personal relationships.